Nightmares
by ladyashethealchemist
Summary: The taint took all eventually. Thirty years... Thirty years max and then the fade. It was something all wardens knew. But Maker, couldn't it be generous this once? Twelve years? That was all he was to get? (F!CouslandxAlistair)


AN: I've had this idea for a while now, and I felt the need to write this up. I always wondered how long it would take for the taint to take my warden or Alistair, and then this came to be. My thoughts on taint are that as the nightmares increase, the taint grows stronger.

* * *

The taint took all eventually. Thirty years... Thirty years max and then the fade. It was something all wardens knew.

But Maker, couldn't it be generous this once? Twelve years? That was all he was to get?

Gwendolyn Cousland-Theirin paced the floors of her bedchamber-their bedchamber. Her green eyes were red from tears she rarely shed, her face pale. Her dark brown hair hung limply to the mid of her back, and concern filled her face as she watched the sleeping form of her love.

His nightmares had returned. Her love, her king, her everything. Alistair. The taint would not take him! She would not let it have him so early!

The team she had hired was working round-the-clock to save their beloved king. They were so close to finding a cure. She just needed her love to hang on for a little longer.

His face was contorted, body twitching as he slept. Gwen sat on the end of their bed and stroked his hair.

"I am here, my love. It is only a dream." Such were the words she would calm him with. Each time a nightmare would strike, she would offer the softest words, a gentle touch, hoping to pull him from those dreams.

"Mumma?" A little boy poked his head into the room, a younger girl trailing behind. "Is Daddy feeling better yet?"

"Sorry Duncan," she picked up the six year old. "But daddy still isn't feeling better." Her voice strained, having to fight to be brave in front of her children.

Her four year old looked up at her with sad eyes. "He will feel good again right?"

"Oh Eleanor," she scooped her up in her other arm and hugged her two miracles close. The two children she shouldn't have born due to the taint.

"Mumma are you crying?" Duncan asked as the queen felt her body start to tremble.

"No, sweetie, I'm fine. Why don't you go and play for a bit?"

"Alright Mumma," the six year old led his sister away just in time. Gwendolyn collapsed across the bed, burying herself into her husband's chest. "Please. Don't leave me."

His eyes fluttered open a few minutes later, that round of nightmares over. "Was it that bad?" He took one of his pale hands and brushed his wife's hair from her face.

"I wasn't sure you would wake up this time," she told him honestly, her voice thick. She was trembling, unable to bear the thought of losing the only person who understood everything she been through.

He smiled, still trying to lighten the mood as always. "Well, it will take more than some darkspawn taint to keep me down. Especially with those fierce roses in that vase over there."

Gwen let out a laugh, though her sobs nearly hid it. Alistair pulled her close and stroked her hair. "I will not succumb to the taint yet, my dear. I promise."

Her eyes met his and she could see he was lying. He was weaker than he wanted to admit, the life slowly draining from him. "That's a heavy promise. One I cannot help but fear you won't be able to keep."

He kissed her softly. "I will try my hardest to keep it." As Gwendolyn dried her tears, he held her. He didn't know how many more moments, how many breaths he would have before the taint would overpower him. "Gwen, Maker's breath you are the most beautiful woman I've met."

Her eyes grew sad and tired. "Please, don't start. I don't want to hear your goodbye, and I know that's what that would lead up to." She met his stormy gaze, her own eyes a hurricane of emotion. "I love you Alistair. I... I just needed to say it."

"And I love you as well," he whispered lightly in her ear, breathing her in.

A knock on the door caused Gwen to open it in a rush. "Yes?"

"We believe we have found the cure."

Hope shone bright in her eyes, the first time it had in a long while. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

The researcher cleared his throat. "Well, milady, there are two possible outcomes from it. You either are fully healed, or you go straight to the Maker's side."

Fully healed or straight to the Maker? She wanted a cure that would guarantee the life of her love wouldn't be lost. There had to be some way to make sure he lived.

"Then let's go on with it," Alistair voice interrupted Gwen's thoughts.

Gwen's eyes pleaded with the researcher. "Surely we can do something to make sure he survives."

The king placed his hand in her shoulder. "Gwen, look at me. We have to face it. The nightmares grow worse each time, and I fear I will start to lose myself. For me, it's a cure, a long hellish death, or straight to the Maker. And anything is better than those nightmares. Anything is better than the pain this taint causes."

Gwen's eyes were pained as she turned to the researcher. "Prepare everything. Now, we must go see our children. Have us contacted when you are ready."

"Yes milady." The man scurried to the main floor.

"Alistair, I don't want to lose you."

He kissed her hand, unable to comfort her how he knew she needed to be comforted. He wished he could tell her he would be alright, but deep down he doubted that. Gwen was his everything, and it pained him to think of leaving her for the fade. "Come, my dear. I do want to see Eleanor and Duncan."

Gwen filled with emotion. If he couldn't answer her, he must be more worried than he'd care to admit. Silently, she nodded and followed him to the children's playroom.

"Daddy!" Duncan grinned, running toward Alistair.

Alistair scooped him up. "There's my brave little guy." He hugged him tight.

"Daddy you're squishing me," Duncan laughed. Alistair gave him the best smile he could muster and placed him back on the ground. The king then turned to his little girl. Eleanor was standing next to her mother, her face worried.

"Daddy, you will be better right?"

Alistairs voice hitched. "I-Ella..." He held his precious daughter. Sitting on one of the couches in the room, he motioned for Duncan to join them. Gwen knew what was coming, but she wasn't prepared for how he would tell them.

"Duncan, Eleanor, you both know how your mother and I defeated the Archdemon and fought darkspawn side by side right?"

Duncan nodded and Ella's sad eyes looked intrigued. "Well, now the kind spirits of the fade asked me to go and help them fight there."

"Does this mean we can come with you?" Duncan sounded almost hopeful.

Alistair measured his answer. "No, but you would have to take care of your mother and sister for me."

"I don't want you to go!" Eleanor started crying, clutching at his arm.

"I don't want to go either," Alistair was barely holding back his own tears. "But if the fade needs me for battle I'll have to go, okay?"

The two little ones nodded, neither understanding what their father was saying.

"Be brave daddy," Duncan smiled at his father.

Gwen buried her face in her hands to hide her tears. He would need to be braver than her son would ever know.

"I will." Alistair stood up, kissing both his children. "I love you both. Stay in here for a while, okay?" He ruffled Ella's hair.

"We love you too!" Their little voices chorused out as Gwendolyn closed the door. The two went into their study and locked it. There, the king broke down. "I don't want to die, Gwen. I don't want to go on without you and the kids. I don't want to leave you."

"Alistair," she leant forward to rest her forehead against his. "When you take the medicine… Just… Oh Alistair!" Her lips feverishly found his, desperate and lost. Tears ran down their faces as they shared what could be their last moments together.

It was Alistair who broke the kiss, resting his head atop hers as she clutched onto him. "If I could pick any way to spend my last moments on earth, it would be holding you." His arms wrapped tightly around her.

They sat in silent embrace until a knock on the door alerted them that the treatment was ready. Gwen hugged her husband tightly, taking his hand in her before heading to where the research had been taking place.

"Now, if your majesty would lie down, we can administer the medicine." The senior researcher let out a fragile smile to her friend. Wynne had been blessed, it seemed, with more years than she expected. Hearing of her young friend slowly succumbing to the taint, she contacted Gwen, having her hire a team of experts, and got right to work to find a way to cure him.

The queen covered her eyes. She had seen her father dying before her, the bodies of her sister-in-law and young nephew. She had charged into battle and taken lives herself. But the thought of losing Alistair drove her over the edge. Seconds passed like minutes, each causing her tears to increase.

Wynne placed a hand on her shoulder in comfort. "And now we must wait."

Gwendolyn knelt next to the bed her husband lay in. Those who had performed the research moved to the next room over to leave the queen with her husband. Wynne had told them it was the best thing for Gwen, to let her remain at his side. She clutched his hand for those few fateful minutes. It was after them Wynne heard the queen whisper her husband's name from the other room. If it was out of joy or grief, however, the mage did not know.

Gwen watched his pale hands grow paler, his breathing grow shallow. He was losing the fight. Her heart felt numb, and everything seems to go in slow motion. Then, his pulse was gone.

"Alistair," she whispered, too broken to even cry. Memories of times spent together rattled in her mind, causing the pain to build.

"I am so sorry," Wynne's quiet voice was mournful as she walked up behind the queen.

Gwendolyn turned to the elderly mage. "You said you could cure him! You said-" Her body was shaken by sobs. Wynne silently pulled her into a hug.

"What of Eleanor and Duncan? Wynne, how can I tell them…?"

She looked at her sadly. "Tell them the truth."

"Yes…I suppose that's best."

It was Eleanor who first understood what happened, at least in a sense. Looking at her mother, the four year old knew her father had left to fight in the fade. "Daddy's gone, isn't he?"

"What? Mumma, is he really gone?" Duncan's eyes teared up. He thought his daddy would say goodbye. Why did he leave without saying goodbye?

Gwen pulled both her children close, the tears spilling over. Her children cried, wanting their daddy to come home.

"When will he be home?" Duncan asked quietly.

The queen looked at the tear stained faces of her their children. "Daddy… he isn't coming home."

Eleanor screamed, and Duncan looked crushed, but Gwen heard nothing. He wasn't going to be there again. That was the first time it really registered. No more hearing him barge through the doors, laughing as Duncan pretended to battle him with wooden swords. No more hearing him read to Eleanor as she fell asleep. No more words of love whispered quietly to her. It was too much. The thought she had as she saw her children's tear stained faces was how much longer did she have? Would the taint leave them orphans?

The children slept in their mother's room that night, the pain of losing Alistair exhausting them. Gwen, however, couldn't bring herself to close her eyes. She instead left the room quietly and headed down to the research room where her husband's body still remained. The official announcement of his death would be sent out tomorrow, and then would come all the neighboring monarchs and the funeral procession.

Kneeling next to him, she clutched his hand in hers. It did look as if he had gone peacefully, like the taint had been held back. Straight to the Maker, peacefully. Sobs shook her as she took in the pale, lifeless form of her husband.

The strong queen had lost her other half. That night, she sat next to him. Her eyes remain open, and she remained there until his body was carried away to be prepared for the procession. She then stood up, preparing to put on a strong face for her country. She would need to, for her own sake, her children's sake, and her country's sake.

But how strong can one be when the one closest to them is lost?


End file.
